Voices of my own.

“That’s what the voices in your head are for, to get you through the silent parts.”

—	David Levithan, Will Grayson

I don't know what's going on. But deep down inside i clearly know what's going on.

Perhaps i just don't get how things turned out so wrong and ugly.

As much as i wanted to deny how i'm feeling now, that i'm actually really unhappy with my life.

I always tell myself that i should be grateful to every little things i have and appreciate the smallest things in life that i have.

Why am i still not happy with what i have now? Is something wrong? 

Positive-ness in me drained out... i guess.

I always claimed that i really hate seeing people getting unhappy over stuff when they have millions of reasons to stay happy all because i really want them to be happy.

I proved myself wrong. I mean.. how can i want someone to be truly happy with

what they really have now when i'm not even doing so. 

What rights do i have.

All i want was people to be HAPPY. And MYSELF...

I know that we don't always get what we want. 

But it's funny how we talked about how badly we want something and not working on it.

We spend so much time thinking about what you want rather than spending time working on it.

One simply does not thinks that Life is hard until you dont get what you want after working for it.

I think that i have taken so many things for granted in life. The food we have, the people we have and everything we have. I realised that i have been thinking on what I DONT HAVE more than what i REALLY have. 

This isn't healthy, yes i understand.

And something about me is, i get upset easily but i always tell myself that 

there's nothing else to be sad about then i start to think positive. 

But sometimes, i just can't help it.

I'm not trying to emo shit here. Get that right.

I want to express my thoughts and feelings. GET THAT.

I find bottling feelings up really really hard and tiring, I hate that.

But sometimes, sad to say... i find it hard to tell someone things.

I used to be very open. USED TO. haha..

Naive, i was.

I hate seeing changes, but we all know that things change. Feelings fade.

Not everything is the same anymore.

This is life. 

I hate reality, i hate how cruel it may sound.

Everyone is striving for PERFECTor being perfect.

I've been trying, i must say... Tho' i know it's quite impossible.

Afterall, nothing is perfect right...?

but but but.. Nothing is impossible too..

sucks.

What really KILLS you inside was what your love ones said/think about you.

And that made you realised that they don't really know you at all.

They made me feel like a stranger to us. I feel distant.

Saddest was that they always think the worst of me..

Perhaps not even me. Made me feel that all these years was nothing at all.

Compromising , cherishing , understanding....

Which category do they fall in? None.

They made me realised after all these years/time.

It was nothing at all.

I'm a girl with feelings. Maybe too much of emotions..

Slowly, i see changes in me.

I closed up. I can see myself not sharing as much as before. 

Sharing in terms of feelings and problems.

I narrow down to the people i can normally share my problems with to myself.

It is true that sometimes i DO think a little too much.

So i guess it is better if i keep things to myself?

Well that's it i guess?

Thumbs up for you if you finished reading the whole crap.

much more unsaid but i guess it's enough for me to let it out.

Goodbye, for now.

time check: 2:53am