Who will?

 It just saddens me when our  love/close ones don't even  want to go that extra mile to understand us a little more. 

 

When they say they'll  support you but that doesn't mean they understand you.   Who will actually go to that extra mile to understand why am I doing this, why do I want this , Why do I need this.

No one.

Whatever. 

If I want to get something I want, I'll work my fucking ass off for it.

But no matter how bad I want something, I always put my love/close  ones before anything. 

It's okay to not understand. But it's totally hurtful to see them not knowing who am I at all.   

Especially people whom you live with for the past 10-20 years.  

So it's so tiring to try to get people to get people to understand you especially when they do not give a fuck about it. It's just so tiring..  

I want to leave here so badly.

K 

Just updating.

Ahh.. I'm so bad at this right, haven't been free enough to post a proper blog. My laptop is not working well, so I thought why not just use my iPod. 

How's everyone? Good? :) I hope all of you are still doing fine, eating well and sleeping well. 

Best wishes everyone! 

-the cutest. 

Fear

I'm beginning to have issues with trust among people.. 

It's just so saddening that I actually watched the whole process of how people enter my life so easily and leave so easily. 

Did I made it so easy to enter my life. 

They said I opened up too much.. Perhaps that's why. 

I find it really hard to explain why I hate people treating me like one temporary thing, 

I think mainly because they always leave me alone after a period of time.

I always have this fear when some people are suddenly so close to me that they might leave me one day all alone just like the others, I don't know. It's just me I know.  

 

They say they care for you, how much do they really care for you? Cause it totally shows it all. 

So many things happened last year,I was accused for doing the things I didn't do at all, and that's when I knew I trusted the wrong "friend"

"Once bitten, twice shy." 

 I've learn my lesson, I don't wish to get involve in any of these anymore. I'm really really tired. I don't want to eat affected anymore. 

I definitely don't deserve all these. 

20 facts

20 facts about me( tagged by danial)

1) my name "Maggie" is my registered in my NRIC 

2) the name "Maggie" was given by my beloved late uncle. 

3) I really love dancing. :) 

4) I hate my big calves 

5) I'm a very self-conscious person

6) a crazy cat lover and a dark chocolate lover 

7) I am a very lazy person but if I really want something, I'll fucking work my ass off to make things happen.

8) I work out often 

9) 70% of my money was spent on my art supplies 

10) and yes, I love art 

11) an art student 

12) I think I'm cute 

13) Im not pretty. 

14) I look like zombie without contact lenses sometimes. 

15) I prefer jazz/classical music

16) I used to play violin 

17) I have horrible eyebags and panda eyes. 

18) I'm a very very clumsy/careless person 

19) they say I collect junks(garang guni) but I'm really into antique/vintage stuff. 

20) I do DIY projects.. 

I think that 20 facts are definitely not enough for you to know me. 

Blogged :)

I'll blog about this outfit soon. :) -wink hundred times-

Here's a quick update with pictures.

what i've been up to recently. I watched this KOREAN DRAMA 

and stayed up until 430 AM to finish it.

But i fell asleep so i woke up to finish it. it was awesome i swear.

I cried like mad shit.

oh my oh my.

If you're looking for time to kill, please watch it :)

Spy Myung Wol

sorry... just felt that i have to.... :)

Apart from them, i just finished my Prelims. urghh it was a rough week for me, 

Spent most of my time worrying instead of REALLY studying.

Man.... I really need to buck up and get things right man.

Staying up very late and almost sleepless nights is absolutely NOT COOL at all...

I hope this will end soon and definitely want to do well.

So.... I won't be updating until it's over. Oh well! 

Thanks for reading, if you're reading.

I promised when i'm back, I'll surprise you will something! :)

Something good. well well well. 

I said i was going to make this quick and short. so yeap! Shall end here for now!

All the best everyone.

Hope you are all doing fine.. and DRINK MORE WATER!

Love.

There's so much i want to blog about today. About the things i observed between people and human,
living and surviving, loving and acting.

I was in the train the other day, feeling tired and sleepy, it wasn't that packed in train... i was sitting down and falling asleep.
the guy sitting next to me stood up and gave up his seat to a dad carrying his daughter.
He woked me up, by his actions.
He was carrying his daughter with this HEAVY looking bag... and when he sat down,
he sat down gently. BECAUSE HE WAS CARRYING HIS DAUGHTER.
His daughter accidentally kicked me and of cause i didn't mind but he kept apologising...
The journey back seemed so long,
He had difficulties putting his bag on the floor because he didnt want to let go of his daughter, not even for a moment.
he placed his bag in between his legs gently... and hugged his daughter.
It wasn't something that i can really describe.... I somehow felt the love from him,
strange but true.
I felt it.
yeap.
I was touched by him, just by the way he didn't want to hurt his daughter.
Just  by the way he held her so close.
the way he touched her hair and didn't want to mess it up even though he had difficulties placing his bag there.
I'm not even done yet.
after that, he took a jacket from his bag and put it on for her.
and held her really close. just like keeping her warm.
well, he kept me warm for awhile...
To that moment i couldn't take it anymore, i stood up and smiled to him and the little girl waved at me,
I was already tearing. sounds emotional but i bet everyone there felt it.
I don't know why but i just couldn't control em, they kept streaming down... I don't know.
I don't know why i'm so affected by it.
I guess it's something that i will never forget for life... i believe.
  Such a loving dad. it is rare for someone to touched someone's heart like that.
At least for me it is rare.
All the best for him and that little girl, i hope they are doing fine now. And i hope when she grow up,
she will do the same for her dad too. And that is to love him.


I know it sounds super corny, not something i would say but i it really touched me.
It reminded me on how people still can love someone unconditionally.
It reminded me that there are still people like that.
---------------------------------------

Everyday i observe insincerity from many different people.

Sincerity.
Some people don't even know what's that. For sure. 
Will you help someone unconditonally?
IF you are willing to help, will you ask for a return then?
Sincerity comes in many different ways.. 
But that one thing comes only with HOW YOU TREAT PEOPLE.
My views. My thoughts. Just what i think.
People helped for a return in favour, sometimes, they gave me that idea that there isnt much sincerity in people nowadays ...
But NO, not true! Of cause I believe that there are many out there that I don't know. :) 
But how many? 
How many of you there are willing to help someone without asking for a return?
Many would say yes i believe, but actions shows it all.

I've seen people getting close with one another for benefits.
I've seen people helping for a return favour.

I was disappointed when i asked a friend for help few months back and (s)he asked me
"What benefits will i get if i help you?"
Well, let me rephrased my sentence again,
I asked SOMEONE for help. Not my friend.
Because those who are willing to help you unconditionally are your friends.
Not those who asked for benefits back.
Because I always believe that, you help because you want to help not you help because you want something back. 

You do not donate because you want a good thing return in the future, it is already the wrong mindset. 

You donate because its FROM your heart. 

It actually shows ones character clearly... 

Let me touch on this, 
helping you unconditionally doesnt make you a true friend, YET
Helping you WITH good intentions make someone a true and good friend.
Pointless helping someone wanting a favour in return with BAD INTENTIONS.

And of cause! Sincerity doesn't ONLY mean helping when you don't want a return back. 

-(My views)- 

Another thing,
I've seen people ''trying'' to be nice with those they hate.


Hypocrites(fake) ,
Remember those who talked bout who they hated?
Remember those who got so so so close with the one they hated?
I'm not saying you should treat the one you hate badly, i'm not saying you SHOULDN'T get close to them.
I just think that it's fucking disgusting.
I've people telling me how much they hate this person and how much they look down on them,
and saw them being so so so close with them and started talking sweetly to each other.
I have no hatred with them, but however, i find it fucking disgusting.
THAT person who talked to you about how much they hate that particular person,
MAY be the one talking behind your back telling tales to another about how much they hated you.
(S)he talked bout this person and next moment seeing them so close together happily and the NEXT moment
that person come talking about that person again.

Beware, these are those whom we don't want to get close with, cause you'll never know when
that person is being true.

It strucked me really deep to see how people act. How people actually see things MORE than family, friendships, relationship, LOVE. Not gonna touch on MORE yet, cause i know i'll explode.

I'm done here.
I'm too lazy to check if there are spelling/grammar errors.... so pardon me.
(Good day)
Love,
Maggie

Strong

As much as i want to show how hurt i am now, i tell myself " NO, I'M STRONG''
I'm not gonna let this affect me.


Things aren't the same anymore.
Sometimes, you just know that it's not going to be long anymore.
You just know that's it's gonna be over soon.
But something's holding you back.
You don't know.


I am strong.

"You're strong"

Getting to know myself.

Blogging with a heavy heart again. 

I'm on the way home now after my art... I can't help it, I'm tearing on train again....  I clearly know that it is not that i did not do my best, what I fail to do was trusting the wrong person for my art... Now I know how important TRUST is to me. Before that, I need to clarify that I'm not blaming anyone. 

Think about putting your heart and soul and all the effort on something but, just by trusting the wrong person wasted all your effort... How I wish I'm not a indecisive person, how I wish I can just follow my heart without thinking too much that it might not be as good, in simple words, I have low self esteem and no confidence. 

If you seen the video I posted on INSTA, just to let you know, It took me alot of courage to post that, it took me alot of NGs to do that. Tho' I know it wouldn't be as nice, but I asked myself, why not just give it a try? 

Yea that spirit... How I wish I have that spirit for everything. 

I'm a person with too much of self conscious, I care too much bout how people see in me, I care too much bout how people feel. 

Something that I've been keeping in for very long, something that I need to let go.   

Okay let's go back to my art. 

I just hate it when I can't decide which is nice or bad, I hate it when someone actually knows that you're upset/depressed and deliberately make things worst for you to move on. All they said was " move on" but what they are actually doing is pulling you down. 

I know I shouldn't let anything else affecting me if I have the determination for something, and .. Guess what? It led to the point where I let my self esteem kill me. 

I have a weak heart, I know, I get upset easily, yes. I'm still trying to adapt to everything.... Things that doesn't go well on me, trying to accept the fact that things doesn't always go the way you wanted, or things never go the way you wanted.  Well sometimes. 

People pull you down, and all you gotta do is to get up. 

I know I will get up someday. Stronger. 

But .. When?  

I dislike it when I let emotions taking control over me. 

I stopped telling people close to me about how I feel... 

Sometimes if something made me feel even more unhappy, I told myself to swallow it down. At first it hurt alot, after awhile its numb. 

I really hate how I can't decide things properly, I hate it so much.  

 

I've been putting so much effort in it, and now what's in my mind is that I'm gonna flunk it. 

Why am I not like the others, why isit that they didn't put in as much effort as I did but they can be alot more better than me? 

i can tell you that I worked so hard to make things work. And I worked really heard. What's even harder was, telling myself that I can do it even knowing that someone/somethings. 

 

Even now there's still a lil bit of positivity in me...... I know it's hard, I'm going to keep holding on and working harder for everything to work. 

I've got so much to say but, nothing to say.  

That's all. Bye. 

Q&A

• 1. Did you wake up cranky?
• Yes.
• 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
• Maybe?
• 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
• Depends on their character.
• 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
• Yupp. Only if the stranger is nice and friendly. Not those perverts...
• 5. Can you commit to one person?
• Yeah, I guess so?
• 6. How do you look right now?
• Ugly with a pimple above my upper lips which look like another mole.. -.-
• 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
• Army tshirt and a shorts. 
• 8. How often do you listen to music?
• Daily 
• 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats 
• Jeans.
• 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?
• Yes.
• 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
• Social, I guess.
• 12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
• Good luck.
• 13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
• Not sure.
• 14. Can you drive a stick shift?
• ?!?!?!
• 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
• Only if the people that are significant to me
• 16. Are you going out of town soon?
• Not really so soon..
• 17. When was the last time you cried?
• Last night.
• 18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
• Definitely..
• 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
• Yes, colorful.
• 20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
• Breathe.
• 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
• Pimple near my upper lips which look like another mole. I hate it.
• 22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
• I guess so? Maybe not.
• 23. Are you nice to everyone?
• YES. :b (you can disagree)
• 24. What are you sitting on right now?
• I'm lying down. 
• 25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
• Yeah.
• 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
• Yes, so badly.
• 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
• A friend. 
• 28. Do you get a lot of colds?
• Sort of..
• 29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
• Uh, no,
• 30. Does anyone hate you?
• Probably yes.
• 31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
• Don't think so.
• 32. Do you like watching scary movies?
• Yes, especially with best friend.
• 33. Are you a jealous person?
• A little I guess.
• 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
• 2009.
• 35. Did you have a dream last night?
• Yes, it was a sweet nightmare. But I like it.
• 36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
• No.
• 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
• No.
• 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
• Yeah
• 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
• Don't think so.
• 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
• No, rotting at home. Not cool.
• 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
• Yes.
• 42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
• Not really...
• 43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
• -tears of joy- talking to that person.
• 44. What’s the best part about school?
• Friends. Those fun and nice ones. 
• 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
• Yes.
• 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
• Yes.
• 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
• Yes. Alot.
• 48. Were you single over the last summer?
• It's summer here everyday.
• 49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
• Rushing to complete my assignments/sleeping.
• 50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
• Yes.
• 
  

Finally done with this shit, now thinking on how to settle my assignments..... Goodluck to me.

Still learning on how to be happy

''In hopes of reaching the moon, men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet''



It is always at night when i start to think about stuff.
I guess it's always when i reflect about stuff....
Everyday, i observe how people live.
How they actually face their problems when they have one.
And how to react to something...
Come to think about it...
I realised that many of us are not contented with what we have..(i admit)

The other day, i came across a blog, the author was told by the doctor that he only have few days left...
Thats when he started blogging, i dont really know what's the content about because it's all in FRENCH.
I google translate it to find out. I'm not trying to be some busybody,
I carry a heavy heart.

Do we really only think about the good things in life when we know life is ending?

I've been constantly telling myself that i'm actually very fortunate.
But things kept pulling me down, making me feel useless..
Here i am, knowing that there are more people facing worst problems than i am,
I'm still fretting over small issues.. I feel so ashamed.


So yesterday i met up with a friend of mine.
I saw him holding on to a book '' how to win friends and influence people'' Something like that.
I was quite impress and happy :)
Cause it's really very rare for people nowadays to find ways to improve themselves!
And if you happen to read this, I want to tell you... GOOD JOB :D
So proud of you!

Coming out from me, i think that the key to win friends is to be SINCERE.
yes..
Sincerity. As simple as that. :)
Of cause you can disagree with me, because that's only what i think.

Won't blog about it more... because... I STILL HAVE TONS OF ASSIGNMENTS WAITING FOR ME!!!

And... dont forget to be HAPPY :)

with love,
Maggie

Pretzels with peanut butter jam.

Just thought that i can share this with you... :3 Cause i really love it.....!!

-Pretzels with peanut butter jam-

Snacking while reading.... mmmm

 What you need:

I have no idea why it wont rotate :/ 

1. Pretzels (obviously...) I'm using the SALT AND PEPPER ones from M&S
2.Peanut butter, i'm using skippy!! 
3. JAM JAM JAM. 


(take a number of pretzels you wanna snack on... like ... if you want to snack on 10, 
take 5 for peanut butter and another 5 for the jam :3)

                                        1.  Apply some peanut butter on the pretzels.......

2.  Apply some jam on another pretzels..............

3.  sandwich them together... and there you go ! 

Got the tea from M&S again... :3

LAST STEP!!!!! :
ENJOY YOUR PRETZELS :D 



Hope you like it, cause i LOVE it...... too good....

Voices of my own.

“That’s what the voices in your head are for, to get you through the silent parts.”

—	David Levithan, Will Grayson

I don't know what's going on. But deep down inside i clearly know what's going on.

Perhaps i just don't get how things turned out so wrong and ugly.

As much as i wanted to deny how i'm feeling now, that i'm actually really unhappy with my life.

I always tell myself that i should be grateful to every little things i have and appreciate the smallest things in life that i have.

Why am i still not happy with what i have now? Is something wrong? 

Positive-ness in me drained out... i guess.

I always claimed that i really hate seeing people getting unhappy over stuff when they have millions of reasons to stay happy all because i really want them to be happy.

I proved myself wrong. I mean.. how can i want someone to be truly happy with

what they really have now when i'm not even doing so. 

What rights do i have.

All i want was people to be HAPPY. And MYSELF...

I know that we don't always get what we want. 

But it's funny how we talked about how badly we want something and not working on it.

We spend so much time thinking about what you want rather than spending time working on it.

One simply does not thinks that Life is hard until you dont get what you want after working for it.

I think that i have taken so many things for granted in life. The food we have, the people we have and everything we have. I realised that i have been thinking on what I DONT HAVE more than what i REALLY have. 

This isn't healthy, yes i understand.

And something about me is, i get upset easily but i always tell myself that 

there's nothing else to be sad about then i start to think positive. 

But sometimes, i just can't help it.

I'm not trying to emo shit here. Get that right.

I want to express my thoughts and feelings. GET THAT.

I find bottling feelings up really really hard and tiring, I hate that.

But sometimes, sad to say... i find it hard to tell someone things.

I used to be very open. USED TO. haha..

Naive, i was.

I hate seeing changes, but we all know that things change. Feelings fade.

Not everything is the same anymore.

This is life. 

I hate reality, i hate how cruel it may sound.

Everyone is striving for PERFECTor being perfect.

I've been trying, i must say... Tho' i know it's quite impossible.

Afterall, nothing is perfect right...?

but but but.. Nothing is impossible too..

sucks.

What really KILLS you inside was what your love ones said/think about you.

And that made you realised that they don't really know you at all.

They made me feel like a stranger to us. I feel distant.

Saddest was that they always think the worst of me..

Perhaps not even me. Made me feel that all these years was nothing at all.

Compromising , cherishing , understanding....

Which category do they fall in? None.

They made me realised after all these years/time.

It was nothing at all.

I'm a girl with feelings. Maybe too much of emotions..

Slowly, i see changes in me.

I closed up. I can see myself not sharing as much as before. 

Sharing in terms of feelings and problems.

I narrow down to the people i can normally share my problems with to myself.

It is true that sometimes i DO think a little too much.

So i guess it is better if i keep things to myself?

Well that's it i guess?

Thumbs up for you if you finished reading the whole crap.

much more unsaid but i guess it's enough for me to let it out.

Goodbye, for now.

time check: 2:53am